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  • Writer's pictureK Madhuri

तत् त्वम् असि 'Thou art that'

I harbor two parts within me and feel confused and conflicted. While one part chooses me and holds me in its grip, I find myself longing to choose the other but not being able to do so for the fear of unknown; I choose the safety of familiarity.

One part of me is grounded at the base of the pyramid of my needs, it seeks safety and hangs on to negative experiences. This part of me is constantly anxious, reliving all her past unpleasant experiences at the slightest trigger. It seeks disconnection, and separation from almost everyone and everything; isolation is the only way it knows, to eliminate all threats! There's a constant voice which rings, says punish them, ignore them, don't believe them, cut them off, you will be a fool if you forget the data, there is no way they will be different...

The other part in me believes in the universal human goodness. It wants to me embrace life without discriminating. It speaks of feeling hurt or being scared very naturally, though with a lot of sadness. There's no blame or guilt or shame. This part of me has the same level of empathy for self and the other, as though everyone was part of me! The voice that guides this part is gentle and says, 'relax, its ok to want consideration, support and care and even when you seek them, you are enough ! Make a request and then let it go. Sometimes it may not work for others to accept your requests, but you always have a choice, connect to that and flow with life.'

I am at the moment more of that part which seeks safety and hangs on to the past. While I appreciate this part and am grateful for the way it cares for me, I know without an iota of doubt that the other part is my truth,our truth, the universal truth.

Though this process of breaking open is grueling and painful, divine Grace guides me on this path where I seek to meet my universal self which is nothing but pure Bliss!


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