"There are No Others"
Shri Ramana Maharshi.
To move into that higher realm of seeing ourselves in others and others in ourselves without any separation, we need boundaries.
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
I was recently in a situation where I had to connect deeply with my need for self love . Looking back on a certain relationship and the boundary I set without complete clarity and connection I have the following insights to share:
We need to see and accept people and our relationship with them as it is, in the now ( not your imaginary versions or the past versions ) and ask ourselves, how do I feel in their presence ( doesn't matter if at some point it was different and great) ? Do I feel whole and complete and joyful in the now or do I see myself struggling to believe what's said? Am I forcing myselves to or wanting to be or become something else that I am not? ( doesn't matter if it's becoming a better or a worse person).
Is it easier for me to flow and grow in their presence ?How would I be at a distance ? What stops me from creating the boundary? We need to answer these questions objectively and if need be ,work with a support person to face the fear and concerns lovingly !
Once we see the need and benefit of a boundary, it is essential to communicate in clear terms . "I am taking care of myself and wanting more ease and space and hence shall not be available to ... .. Thank you! "
We may face resistance to our boundaries. The other person may try to guilt trip or gaslight us !! Staying firm and gentle is possible when we access our compassion and connect to our intention of growth and peace. The focus is on our own flourishing and not on punishing or hurting the other. We may choose to empathize that it may be hard for the other person but their reaction or response is not our responsibility. It is essential to stay connected to 'why we started' on this and not to retrograde to preboundary situations .
And these are boundaries for self care not walls of defense. The intention makes the difference and staying connected to it is easy when we can share openly with a buddy or a coach and connect deeply to our higher versions.
Happy to listen if you have a situation with boundary setting.