Dear Beautiful People at the other end of this screen,
I'm 25 years old, and I struggle with managing my expectations of myself. I often bite off more than I can chew, taking on more work than my bandwidth will allow. Periodically I've come to suffer these meltdowns with incessant crying and feelings of worthlessness when I cannot deliver quality work for all the things on my plate. Usually, I scrape through - putting in just a little more than enough to cover up the overload at my end. But off late, I seem to have lost that capacity to hold the fort. I feel helpless and angry at myself. I worry that I also come across as flaky on the professional front.
I think a part of me is attached to this narrative of being swamped with work and being overwhelmed. To tell friends that I'm drowning in work feels easiest to get away from their calls. I wonder why I try and get away from phone calls from friends. They're my friends after all, right?
Speaking to my therapist really helps. So much so that I'm able to articulate my problem to all of you. But the power lies within me to take action and change these patterns now.
I don't know where to start. I'm a bit confused and lost.
Confused in India
I can relate so much to this post that my mom(also part of this group) thought it was about me 🤭 Also, I appreciate the courage with which 'confused in India' has been able to share!
I think what's helped me is to stop and see what's happening, to notice that all these thoughts are from what I've heard people say to me over the years, not what I feel about myself. That I am suffering from within and my natural tendency would be to care for myself rather than point fingers and make myself feel worse - were it not for those thought patterns in my head.
It's been difficult to differentiate between my own voice and those of others in my head, but some that are definitely not mine are the 'should's / 'should not's and the 'if's and 'but's.
What has also helped is to have some friends who can remind me of who I really am when it gets difficult for me to see clearly.
I hope some of this may help. 😊🌸 Wishing the person peace and healing 💜
Dear Confused In India,
Thank you for sharing with us. I am sure many people are nodding reading your post. You are not alone.
People feeling they're not good enough is a hidden pandemic of our times. We live in a world that wants us to believe our worth comes from our productivity and achievement. It wants us to look outward instead of within and just be. However, our being itself is a miracle. Who could have thought the big bang would lead to us?
A tangible practice may be of clarifying expectations. Are people expecting you to contribute in certain ways? Or are you imposing these asks on yourself? If your best friend were to be writing this, what would you tell them?
Take it a day at a time. Find a spot in nature and sit in its glory. Listen to your body and its signs. You will find the answers when you give yourself permission to get outside your head.
At least you are observing your patterns and aware of them. You have begun your journey of healing and growth. All the best for the rest of it. 🌻
Dear Confused in India,
That took a lot of courage to first acknowledge and then share. By just doing that you have helped so many people to 1) recognise similar patterns and behaviours and 2) find the courage to acknowledge it even to themselves. Just wanted to reach out with a warm hug and salute your courage.
You have already received many good suggestions so not going to add to them. Just sending you lots of love support and positive energy.
About Listening with Love
As a group of community weavers, we have been wondering what it would mean for all of us in the group to share our worries, challenges, joys and fears here with vulnerability and honesty while feeling safe and not feeling the burden of having to reveal ourselves to the group. These may be questions, thoughts or feelings about the past, present, or future; about ourselves, our loved ones or strangers.
Hence, we are starting a new thread called "Listening with Love" to help community members find perspectives on their situation.
If you have something on your mind, you are welcome to share it with us using this form. We will tap into our community's compassion and wisdom on your behalf.