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  • Writer's picturekeerthana paulraj

Listening with Love #4:

Dear Community,

Hi, This group has been amazing with the positivity that is shared everyday.

This is something that I wonder about: Is it possible that one person can have starkly contrasting reactions /behaviour in different ecosystems.

In my professional space, I am always appreciated for the patience and acceptance that I demonstrate even in situations where anybody may lose their cool.

But strangely, in my personal, I am always criticized to be somebody short tempered ,angry and so on I myself feel that I am not that patient in the personal space as I am in the professional space.

Do people behave this way ?

What can I do to replicate my good traits where it is missing?

With love,

Just a someone (She/Her)

Listener #1:

Thank you for sharing. I face the same challenge, too.

I realised it's because I always had my stakes high at workplace and not so much in personal life, which led to me taking the people in my personal space for granted. So, my usual anger response would come out in front of them as I felt I didn't stand to lose much/won't have repercussions of my behaviour as they loved and supported me.

Whereas at my workplace, it was more of a professional relationship, which in itself drew boundaries for my otherwise usual behavior.

As I realised this, it led me to understand that deep down I am not the calmest person I am known to be. This awareness helped/helps me drive more balance in my personal life as well now.

Each of us are made up of different colours, shapes and sizes.

Listener #2:

Thank you for opening up and sharing your issues with us. Hoping you find some resolutions from the ensuing discussion. I cannot fully relate to your situation as I've seen a spill over of personal to professional and the other way round too. But I hear you when you say there seems to be a stark difference between your experiences of both.

Maybe since our role in professional space and the relationships we have there is limited the kind of expectations we have from the people there may not be as much or managed more easily. It's at home or in our personal space where we want to feel more relaxed and ourselves. There's also a higher expectation that others around us understand us more. When this expectation isn't met it could lead to outburst of difficult emotions we're not necessarily equipped to deal with well.

Perhaps what could help is to slow down and observe what we feel about and in both spaces and what expectations and belief we hold about both. This might help identify why there is a stark difference in the two. Identifying the difference could help you figure out the next steps.

Wishing you love and light.

Slow down and gently observe the flowers, the leaves and the weeds.

Listener #3:

I would like to highlight certain points here which may be helpful to understand ourselves.

The question to be asked here is why do you have patience and acceptance at the workplace and not at home. The possible reasons are that you can't afford to lose them at the workplace because either that brings down your image or it affects your appraisal which may directly impact the financial growth. The key would be to enquire what is it all about? It may be possible that you may not get a direct answer, but if you keep removing the layers through enquiry, you may find it.

Also there is a concept called mine and others. The people close to us are ours and the other people are not ours.

We start having lot of expectations from someone who is ours as we understand that's what is the meaning of a relationship(a belief given to us by the society). The more we have expectations from our own people, the more we start exploiting them.

We don't have much expectations from others. Therefore it's easy to have acceptance for them as we don't spend much time with them and don't have many expectations.

There is one more possibility that you may understand the reasons behind anger and other issues with family members, but unable to change because of strong pattern. In this case image and financial growth in professional environment will not be applicable. Here the pattern has to be dealt with patience.

The most important part over here is recognition of what is exactly happening.

What are the consequences of my actions in different spaces?

Listener #4:

Our behaviours are governed by our beliefs, which incidentally comes from our environment and we keep re-affirming, making them stronger & stronger over a period of time…

Clearly in this case we hold different belief systems ...resulting in different behaviour in our professional & personal environment.

The way-out…of course is to transcend the boundaries of our beliefs so that we clear up the base, allowing common ground of our true self to re-surface which remains the same irrespective of the context of our environment.

How do we transcend the boundaries of behaviours? Most members of the group are conscious of their inner work …just be at it and then it is a matter of time the transcendence happen…those who have not yet taken the plunge, do take it because this seems to be the only way-out to me!

Look within with patience and self-compassion.


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