Updated: Jan 13, 2022
The ability to see the gift in everything, that's the blessing I received this year. From mere words and events to their meaning for me, that's the translation I learnt. From a singular stuck focus, which I called authenticity, truth, justice, fair play and more such words, I learnt to untie myself and read my 'being in a different light, the light of needs or values.
This light of needs brightens my life, but how do I put this light on? I have a few switches and my body sensations are one of those. In an unpleasant state, I find myself checking within, what's this sense? A choking sensation in my throat: what is it that I want to say? A tightness in my chest: what do I need to embrace or let go of? A sinking sensation in my gut: what is my fear? A throbbing headache: what are the thoughts I am churning? Acidity: what is it that is unpalatable to me?
Instead of trying to shake them away, I observe and talk to these unpleasant sensations. What do they look like? What is the colour, shape, density, flow, patterns.., etc. Then I say, 'hey friend what do u want to become and what do you want to tell me?' I listen keenly and I thank these sensations for the amazingly accurate information they give me.
The other switch is my feelings. Am I angry? Am I sad, am I lonely, am I disappointed, am I frustrated. When one of them is valid, it rings a bell and then I get a closer look at this feeling. So why am I feeling so, what am I thinking and how do I want to feel and what needs to happen for me to feel that way? What is in my power that I can do differently to feel differently?
The third switch that can turn the light of the needs on is a master switch: it can turn both the other switches on or even without them it can brighten up my space. Its empathy!! I just share all that's alive in me, without any filters or fears. And in the presence of this person who listens without judgment or sympathy or suggestions or advice and guesses my feelings and needs, my need to be heard and seen for what I am is instantly met and there is so much more that happens.
Does it mean I am joyful and jubilant, all the time? Definitely no!! Certainly, a work in progress and also certain to never be a perfectly done job. But much happier, easier, cheerful, enthusiastic and excited. I can now hold pain without suffering, can condone the act and hold compassion for the actor and relish the belief in the common good in all beings: but some times I default and go back to my habitual responses from years of conditioning.
But yes, I am learning to accept my defaults and those of others. I am learning to hold on to gratitude, regard and appreciation for all that's so wonderful. And to faith that there is enough light shining within and we just need to reach out to one of the switches to brighten our world.