Updated: Aug 2
The incident that triggered reflection and brought insight happened today morning while I was rushing for work. While writing this, I am still on the way to work.
As I was finishing my chores, I asked my spouse to book an auto-rickshaw for me. He promptly booked an Uber using his device, and the vehicle was to arrive in 4 minutes. To walk from my flat to the ground floor and from there to the main gate takes an average of 5 minutes and on a rainy day when I need to observe my step, it takes more time. So when it rains, I usually request the driver to drive into the building.
I expected my husband to do that too, but he kept counting down the time and hurrying me. When I was at the door, he told me that the vehicle was at the gate of the next building. I was upset that now I had to look for the driver. Since the vehicle was not booked from my device, I did not have the driver's number to call. My spouse noticed this and came down with me, and finally, I found the vehicle around 200 meters away from my building gate.
I settled into the vehicle but could not contain my frustration, and I called my spouse to give him an earful. I told him how he always doesn't pay attention to detail, how he could save the exact location on the Uber app and how he could have used my device to save me the upset and time.
Then as I sat back and took a couple of deep breaths, I realised how ungrateful my behavior was. I paid attention to only the results and efficiency. Though I felt the love and care, I didn't notice them enough to acknowledge them. I saw how my inclination to efficiency and perfection in 'doing' always throttled the beauty of the 'being'.
I considered love to be a verb alone and refused to acknowledge other expressions and forms of love. I noticed how conditional and narrow my definition of love was. When I accessed my gratitude for the love, care, and intention, acknowledgment came in easily.
I called my spouse to apologise for the sermon and thank him for 'being' love. This acknowledgment of the beauty in the 'doing' and 'being' together instantly expanded my 'being' and filled my heart and soul with peace and joy. I now let go of my idea of love as a verb, and I no longer want to fit 'love' into any frame. I want to live that beautiful experience of loving and being loved, whether it is a noun or a verb.