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  • Writer's pictureTanushree Joshi

Listening with Love #9

Updated: Feb 20, 2023

Dear Community,

Fear has been a recurring feature in my life. It would show itself in how I avoided risk, sought certainty, felt uncomfortable with play and spontaneity and operated with scarcity.


Fortunately, I have been able to let most of this go when it comes to big life transitions, decisions and ways of being. I do not feel it as much when it comes to my relationships, work or family life. I embrace what will come with openness and acceptance.


However, it is the tiny things where I still get tangled in these fear-induced patterns. For instance, finding the right product/service that meets all constraints and considerations at the best price. I sometimes find myself spending hours making these choices, despite cognitively knowing that there is no perfect decision.


My current response is to complete what I started and accept that choice, knowing a decision not made will resurface again in a couple of hours or days. However, I want to learn to get better at letting this go.


What perspectives might help me and how might I embody them?


Love,

Optimizer (He/Him)


Listener #1

My views


We generally get into acquisition (buying) mode without full clarity on our needs. This has to be distinguished against wants which are constantly wavering. And many a time influenced by our environment.


Once our need is clear we see that the concept of "best price" suddenly disappears. Value becomes a priority . At best we may look at 2-3 sources from where we can acquire the item and identify what makes sense for us. The trick is to avoid the "low price" trap which we generally tend to fall for and pay for the margin in some form in the future, most likely the cost being our mental peace.


Though we are being told decision is data driven, most human decisions are made based on intuition or "gut feel". Believe in yours and go ahead. If by chance the outcome is not favorable to you, will give an opportunity to refine and develop the skill of connection with your inner self (intuition)



Listen to your heart and intuition



Listener #2

Since you mentioned that you have been able to embrace situations in work and relationships with openness and acceptance, big congratulations to you on that.


For products or services if this keeps coming, then consider it as an old pattern. One extremely important remedy is to actually know what you want from that particular product or service. Majority of the times we forget about the real need. We are just looking for "what's extra in this? " which may not be needed as well. If you actually know your need and your price limit clearly, it won't take long.


You will have to catch yourself every time you get entangled and ask yourself - what am I really looking for? What is my real need? Are all constraints and considerations really genuine?


You may have developed a habit of looking for perfection in these patterns. Neither there is a perfect product nor perfect decision in such matters.



What am I really looking for? What is my real need?



About Listening with Love


As a group of community weavers, we have been wondering what it would mean for everyone in the group to share our worries, challenges, joys and fears here with vulnerability and honesty while feeling safe and not feeling the burden of having to reveal ourselves to the group. These may be questions, thoughts or feelings about the past, present, or future; about ourselves, our loved ones or strangers.


Hence, we are starting a new thread called "Listening with Love" to help community members find perspectives on their situation.


If you have something on your mind, you are welcome to share it with us using this form. We will tap into our community's compassion and wisdom on your behalf.


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