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  • Writer's picturekeerthana paulraj

Listening with Love #7:

Dear Community,

It may sound like a very common question. I have to ask, how do I cope up with a break up rather being dumped in a relationship which my friends and immediate circle advised against since the start. But I believed in other person and relationship more than those advices. And now as other person has moved on to someone else for her own reasons which she would not talk about openly. But still she keeps saying that she cares for me and will always care. I know that I may be told to cut off this relationship completely but I am not able to as I still care about that person and I still love that person. Maybe I still crave whatever little communication I get from her or I was too much emotionally dependent on her and still my emotional stability is dependent on her.


Love,

Crooked lines (He/Him)


Listener #1:

Firstly, I think it was really admirable to reach out for support. Being vulnerable is an act of courage and I admire you for that.


Break-ups can be very difficult, and very emotionally painful.

I empathize with your comments about finding it difficult to cut off contact. I have experienced this feeling in the past with my own break-ups.


My advice in this instance, when you feel compelled to reach out to other person, is to take pause and just sit with the emotions you are feeling in that moment. Take some breaths, feel where in your body you might be feeling a sense of anxiety and hurt. Imagine yourself surrounded in warm light. Send loving energy to yourself.


Sometimes reaching out, sending a message or calling that person is a way for us to try and receive comfort from someone that had previously provided emotional support.


That instinct is understandable as this sounds like a painful and difficult time for you and in these circumstances you need emotional support.


By taking a moment to check in with yourself, acknowledging your feelings and sending warm, healing energy to yourself, you are providing yourself the emotional support and you will get stronger with practice.


Be kind to yourself and know that I am thinking of you and sending you lots of positive energy to get through this ❤️


Imagine yourself surrounded in warm light. Send loving energy to yourself.


Listener #2:

Hey crooked lines :)


1. What is it that you are looking for from this relationship with this person? - I assume that, now whatever it is that you need or want is not being met by this relationship. Have you been able to accept this? If you are not, what would you need to make peace with this and also know that you are more than capable to build something beautiful for yourself and another person again? If it is saying it, let me say that, whatever you have built with this person is not broken, its dynamics changed and you have contributed to building this beautiful relationship, something ending does not mean you did something wrong or your work isn’t validated. You are more than capable of building it again again :) because that’s who you are!


2. Are you okay with this changed dynamic ? If you are not, what is bothering you?


I also sense the fear, and if it’s fear, you are bigger than your fear. 🎉


Know that you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes up and this too shalt pass and love wins.💗


Sit with the questions.

Listener #3:

To cope up with a break up, first of all reality has to be assessed.


What really went wrong?


Who was more responsible you or the other person?


What is the meaning of relationship for you?


Did you get into the relationship to get any needs fulfilled? Why were you actually there in the relationship? Whatever needs you have defined for relationship, are they going to be met by the other person?


How good is it to be emotionally dependent on your partner? How does it serve you?


Does emotional dependence have anything to do with Love?


What is Love really?


If you go deeply into the answer of these questions, you may find different perspectives.


There is a huge possibility that you may find that your perspectives may not be serving you.


This way coming out of a break up is easy.


Then you won't get into another relationship without having deeper clarity.


Reflect on what was, what is and what will be.


Listener #4:

Whatever we keep focusing on, it grows in our mind. It's a very common line while it's true in experience too. Make conscious efforts to do something else. And after sometime it fades when our energy gets on something else, may not be other relationship but something else which helps you feel high in current moment.


Make this event less significant: Live the emotion and observe. Clean the energy of this relationship by accepting that the person who has chosen a different path and at the same time acknowledging that being with someone who is not aligned to you is anyways not going to be great.


When we reflect on what went wrong, we would only blame the self or the other person.

What could I have done to hold this ? You would never get answers you may go round and round.


Accept the fact that you met a person and the journey got over - like in a train you meet few people, share stories, exchange phone numbers and some get down on different stations and our journey still continues to our destination; and we never call them. Yes you may make this event and person as less significant as that.


In a train you meet few people, share stories, exchange phone numbers and some get down on different stations and our journey still continues to our destination.


About Listening with Love


As a group of community weavers, we have been wondering what it would mean for everyone in the group to share our worries, challenges, joys and fears here with vulnerability and honesty while feeling safe and not feeling the burden of having to reveal ourselves to the group. These may be questions, thoughts or feelings about the past, present, or future; about ourselves, our loved ones or strangers.


Hence, we are starting a new thread called "Listening with Love" to help community members find perspectives on their situation.


If you have something on your mind, you are welcome to share it with us using this form. We will tap into our community's compassion and wisdom on your behalf.


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